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The Colbert Report
The Colbert Report is the best show on television. It is often compared to The Daily Show, but they have many differences. Whereas the The Daily Show is hosted by unfunny liberal Jew - Jon Stewart - the show is hosted by a Stephen Colbert (aka Stephen Lol'bert), whose on-camera persona is a cross between a and an . He is actually a moderate Catholic in real life, so this is clearly a television persona heavily steeped in irony. It also differs from ''The Daily Show in that it doesn't so much lampoon news and current events, presenting its predictable lulz as actual, relevant (albeit "with a twist") for , sophisticated , as does Jon Stewart; rather, The Colbert Report takes the news, molests it, it, mocks it and before showing it off. However, despite everything, Stewart and Colbert have a friendly relationship. Pet Peeves Colbert regularly campaigns against such horrible things as Wikipedia, which he regards as being responsible for Wikiality, and, who he regards as the cancer that is killing America. Other things that Colbert currently hates include : *Jane Fonda (Fantasies) *Bears *CNN en Espanol *The Elderly Trolling He frequently trolls politicians and the they represent when they agree to appear on the show's "Better Know A District" segment. Howevar, in early 2007, after unprecedented amounts of pwnage and butthurt were detected by the Democratic party, the head of their national caucus issued a warning for Dems to steer clear of Colbert and his show. Almost immediately, Tennessee representative Steve Cohen ignored the advice and went on the show to be killed by Colbert by asking him whether he's "the first Jew from Tennessee" and whether his claim that he has "the voting record of a black woman" means that he is, in fact, a black woman. One of his most epic wins in this department came when he persuaded Florida Congressman Robert Wexler to endorse cocaine and hookers since he was running unopposed for re-election. Personal Army Colbert has a vast people who are called '''The Colbert Nation. This loyal following is willing to do Stephen's bidding. For example, in January, 2007 Colbert was disrespected by a Canadian Jr. League Hockey team, the Oshawa Generals, when their fans threw Teddy bears on the ice after beating his adopted team, the Saginaw Spirit, on home turf - General Motors Center. Feeling he was insulted, he urged to download GM's 150 page annual report and throw it onto the rink. Colbert and Wikipedia Colbert had always been held in high regard by many internet and 4chan users, often referencing content found on said sites. However, on his August 1, 2006 show Mr. Colbert went above and beyond the call of duty when he urged viewers to vandalize wikipedia. His beef was Wikiality which he describes as Wikipedia's version of "truth" as opposed to what is actually true. He explained that on Wikipedia "any user can change any entry, and if enough users agree with them, it becomes true." Thus, he argued, it would be easy to solve many of the world's problems if Wikipedia reflected the "truth" to say there were no problems. To prove his point, he urged the Colbert Nation to change the "endangered" status of African elephants to being off the endangered list by going onto Wikipedia and editing the article on elephants so that it would say: Elephant population in Africa has tripled over the past six months. The shit their pants as people added the lulz to all the articles on elephants and crashed all of their servers. They ended up banning out of spite. Even more awesome is the fact that what he posted on Wikipedia actually came true. Thus proving the objectivity of TOW. Colbert also has beef with what he calls "Wikilobbying" which he described as "when money determines Wikipedia entries, reality has become a commodity", alluding to a case where got busted for hiring someone to "pretty up" their TOW entry]]. He also bagged on "Self-determination", where corporations are allowed to act out their fantasies online by editing their own Wikipedia entries. Colbert described Wikipedia as, "Second Life for corporations", saying if a sleazy corporation wants to pretend to be squeaky clean online, then that is. The Colbert/Daily Show connection to the bible The Daily Show and Colbert Report are much like the Bible's testaments. The newer ones are much better and the older ones are about Jews. True story. The Stephen Colbert HID He also successfully engineered and led a Colbert Nation campaign to have a new bridge in Budapest named after him by flooding an official Hungarian government website with bot generated votes for The Stephen Colbert Hid (bridge). Although he handily won the naming rights in two rounds of voting, the Hungarian government sent their Ambassador to the United States (ya rly) to The Colbert Report where they proceeded to weasel out of the deal by pointing out that the fine-print necessitated that he not only had to be fluent in Hungarian but he also needed to be dead. Upon hearing the news, outraged Hungarian Colbert Nationalists stormed the Hungarian Parliament, demanding that Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany resign after it was revealed he lied to the country about Mr. Colbert in order to win re-election last April. As of this writing, the stalemate over the naming rights and the resulting riots has all the hallmarks of a International Incident. Accordingly, United Nations Supreme Leader Hugo Chavez, has ordered a peacekeeping force to the areas to kill the . Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW: Colbert & Jews After it was recently revealed to him by a that since he's of , he has a 75% chance of being an Ashkenazi (German) Jew, Colbert re-installed his special to allow his Jewish "friends" to call him to apologize during their ongoing Days of Atonement holiday. As of yet, no Jew has apologized for pwning Jesus but the search continues. Colbert has also created some butthurt from audience Juden with a image of a fake airline called Air Aryan ("the airline with the most overhead arm room sponsored David Duke") and a Holocaust denial comment directed at Jews whilst roleplaying Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Stephen Colbert '08 Last Thursday, Stephen Colbert announced on The Daily Show to John Stewart that he is running for president of the .Later on The Colbert Report, a much more prestigious show, Stephen announced that:He has entered the primaries in as part of the "Favorite Son". For many of his 14-year-old-fans, this was the first time they encountered such hilariously edgy humor, though MAD Magazine has done this shtick since the 1950s. Old meme is old. A possible combination of bumper stickers might be: *Colbert/Huckabee *Colbert/Jesus *Colbert/Colbert Colbert's original intention was to run in both the Republican and primaries. Due to federal election laws, Colbert was required to limit his campaign spending to $5,000 to avoid getting a free one way ticket to meet Bubba. The Republicans wanted $35,000 from him to file his intent to run. The Democrats wanted $2,500. Needless to say, Colbert's ambition to lose twice was quickly killed, and he went to the Democrats. Last Thursday, the Democratic Party's Executive Committee voted 13-3 in favor of keeping Colbert off the ballot, stating that he is not a "nationally viable" candidate as he is only running in one state. The truthiness of the situation: they're just shit scared that people would vote for him and make them all look fucking . Speculation is that next week Colbert's giant sand-dragging brass will announce their intention to be running mates on an independent ticket. They're currently polling higher than Dennis Kucinich and that douche from Law & Order that isn't Sam Waterston. Colbert PWNS 2007! Colbert kicks the shit out of Harry Potter author J.K Rowling, and The internet 's inventor Al Gore by being picked as Celebrity of the Year 2007. Magic Eyes Stephen Colbert has said many times on his show he does not have the capability to see races. WristStrong On his show, sometime mid-summer, Colbert broke his wrist. It is now your duty to go to and buy a Wriststrong bracelet. Colbert says that if you do this, you must find someone famous and give it to them. DO IT LOSER! Colbert's DNA Shot into Space On September 8, 2008, it was reported that, no matter what happens to the losers on planet Earth, Stephen Colbert would ultimately live on, proving once again that he is better than you. This is thanks, in part, to less-than-important designer, who is being shot into space at mph. He will travel to the International Space Station, which has been good for practically nothing, except that Garriott will use the space station to shoot Stephen Colbert's hot load of impressive DNA into space so that, just in case some alien race finds it, Stephen Colbert and the human race can live on.